Kent Toussaint, MA MFT - Clues on Kids #008

Clues on Kids #008

No More Frettin’ about Bed Wettin’

March 2009

There you are making breakfast for your little guy before school and then you catch a whiff of an all-too-familiar odor. You look at him sitting there at the kitchen table in his PJs with a look of feigned ignorance. You lean in and the bitter scent is undeniable… pee-pee! “Did you wet your bed last night?” you ask. Your son responds with a sheepish shrugging of his shoulders. That’s when it finally hits you… he’s sitting on your newly reupholstered kitchen chair in urine soaked pajamas. “NOOOOOOO!”

None of his friends seem to have this problem, is my kid the only one wetting the bed?

Nocturnal enuresis, ordinarily known as bed wetting is a fairly common problem. You may be surprised to know

that children under five-years-old generally do not have the bladder control to stay dry most nights. On the other hand, by five or six years of age, most (not all) kids are able to maintain a urine-free bed through the night with help from their parents.

Well my daughter is nine and wets the bed as if she was connected to the timer for the backyard sprinklers. I swear my kid must enjoy peeing in her bed. Why else would she refuse to get up and go to the bathroom if not for the attention?

Most likely your kid is ashamed and embarrassed that she can’t stop wetting the bed. If she could do it by herself, she most likely would.

The reasons why children have difficulty controlling their bladders while sleeping are varied. Sometimes it can be linked to medical issues such as not enough antidiuretic hormone in the body (controlling the amount of fluid released by the kidneys while sleeping). Another possibility is the presence of a developmentally delayed nervous system. Perhaps your child has a very small bladder or a bladder infection.

These examples can easily be diagnosed by your pediatrician so it’s a good idea to consult with a medical professional to rule out or treat any physiological problems your kid may be facing. Another common factor is emotional stress.

Stress? That’s ridiculous! How much stress can a ten-year-old be under?

Quite a bit. Some kids are just born with an anxious temperament and are predisposed to having strong reactions to stimuli which parents may see as trivial. Others may be dealing with issues that are beyond the emotional capacity for any kid. The possibilities range all over the map from getting a new sibling, changing schools, parents separating or fighting, a death in the family, etc.

I’d rather not deal with the emotional stuff. Instead I’m just not going to let my kid drink any liquids after 5:00 pm. Won’t that settle it

It depends on whether stress is really a factor or not. Just because you cut your kid off from the juice bar at 5:00 pm, doesn’t mean that he will stop producing liquids in his kidneys later. The body produces liquids twenty-four hours a day. So you may only succeed in creating a thirsty, stressed out kid who wets the bed.

On the other hand, restricting the types of liquids your child imbibes may be of significant help. According to many pediatricians, reducing or eliminating caffeinated beverages can go a long way toward curbing nighttime waterworks.

Okay, but don’t most kids grow out of this phase? Do I have to do anything?

If your kid is older than eight-years-old and it is happening more than once a week, it is probably time to start treating the problem. Nocturnal enuresis can be debilitating for a kid’s self-esteem. Some kids will refuse to have sleepovers in the fear of getting caught by their friends and being known as the pee-monster for the rest of time. The longer the problem goes on, the more shame and self-doubt sets in. These bad feelings can spread faster than urine in a bed sheet, soiling her confidence and her ability to develop emotionally at an age appropriate level.

Well, should I be tough and punish him when he wets the bed, or be the nice parent and reward him for staying dry?

Neither. When your child takes a tinkle in the trundle, it is an unconscious process. It would be just as ineffective to treat snoring with praise or punishment. When you kid wets the bed, he doesn’t know he’s doing it.

So then what am I suppose to do when my kid wets the bed?

First, invest in a plastic cover for her mattress. You’ll be able to keep your cool longer with a bed that’s protected from weeknight wizz. Second, keep your frustration and judgments to yourself. Shaming your kid is only going to make things worse. Be as supportive and understanding as possible. Remember, she’s not doing it on purpose and would stop her midnight micturition if she could. When she does wet the bed, she’s already upset so no need to add to it. However, it is important for her to take responsibility for her lunar leak by helping you change the sheets on her bed. This is not a punishment, but it is a way for her to be accountable for her body in a non-shaming way. You may want to plan on getting up fifteen minutes early each morning to be ready for this possibility.

What actions can I take to help my child overcome this once and for all?

During the day, regularly remind him to urinate. The more practice he has at recognizing the feeling of needing to go potty during the day, the better he will be at it during sleep.

One tactic that is somewhat controversial is called lifting. This is where you wake your child up a few hours after bed time each night and walk him over to the use the bathroom. The up-side of this is that over time it will train your child to identify the need to tinkle at night and wake up before having an accident. However, some researchers believe that while there are less wet beds when lifting takes place, your child will not fully awaken during the potty run and it is just reinforcing the habit of urinating while asleep. My anecdotal experience with clients is that this method is rather effective when parents diligently follow through with the lifting process for at least a month and make sure that their kids wake up before emptying their bladders. Going back to sleep is rarely a problem.

The other strategy to consider is using a moisture alarm orbell and pad. They are quite easy to buy online. This is a small device that is attached to your child’s underwear or to a pad that he sleeps on in the bed. When your child begins to pee, the alarm will go off waking your child and prompting him to quickly make his way to the bathroom. This method is strongly supported by clinical research.

So which one should I pick?

Maybe you should talk to your pediatrician, child therapist or anyone else you trust to consult before making your decision. It may be helpful to utilize several techniques in concert with one another. When getting advice from family or friends, it is important to remember that each child and family is unique and what works for one family may not work for another. Ultimately, the more calm and reassuring you are with your kid, the more easily he will be able to stop frettin’ about his bed wettin’.

If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation:

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

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