Therefore, his view of fairness is probably filtered through the belief that he should pretty much always get what he wants. It takes a long time to appreciate the need for boundaries and self control… about twenty-three years give or take. There are even those who grow into adulthood and never grasp this concept (perhaps a topic for another time).
Why would my kid think that she should get everything she wants?
The best reason is because she cannot see the downside to getting her way. She can’t fathom any good rationale for why she shouldn’t be allowed to stay up until 3:00am watching sexy R-rated music videos and eating a half-gallon of melting Rocky Road ice cream on your brand new couch. What could go wrong? After all, every one of her friends’ parents allow it. You’re so unfair!
From your child’s perspective, she feels that she is more than capable of determining what is appropriate for her. She is convinced that achieving her own happiness, no matter what form that takes, satisfies her wellbeing.
Why can’t my kid see that just because something makes him happy that it may not be good for him?
Your child is still recovering from infancy. You are too, but you have more experience in your recovery. Infancy sets us all up for disappointment. Infancy is a time when we have omnipotent power. Practically everything we wish for is granted to us. For example, when your kid was a baby, he was fed when he got hungry, cleaned when wet, put to bed when he was tired and so on. Whatever you baby could wish for, it was delivered to him… most likely by you.
Now however, your child is no longer an infant… he’s a kid. Being a kid is tough because he’s still dependant upon you for all his needs, but now his wishes are far more grandiose than a few years back. Many of those desires are not appropriate. Those desperate yearnings such as later bed times, less chores, more cookies, and jumping the skateboard off the roof and into the pool are shockingly… normal.
|
