Kent Toussaint, MA MFT - "Tips on Teens" #001

Tips on Teens #001

Missing that Sweet Child that Your Teen Used to Be

November 2006

Remember that sweet and affectionate child who used to run to meet you at the door, jump into your arms and give you a big kiss?

Yeah, what happened to him anyway. Now when I get home, my kid doesn't even get out of his room to roll his eyes at me. What gives?

A big part of you misses the close emotional bond that you and your child once had. Sometimes it hurts your feelings that your kid is so distant now and barely wants to even be seen with you, much less jump in your arms when you come to the door. Sometimes you even feel that your child doesn't even love you! Feeling rejected by your own kids does not feel good, especially when you used to be so cool.

What should I do?

As a parent you must accept that it is okay to miss the innocent and affectionate child that your teenager used to be. One of the toughest parts of being a parent is constantly grieving (much like a death) the loss of your children as they grow into new people every few years or so. If you are unable to cope with the loss of the child you had, you won’t be ready to parent the teen you have now.

If you can stop trying to get your children to satisfy your needs for affection, sometimes your kids will be more affectionate toward you… even if only a little bit. If you rely on your kids to gratify your emotional needs, they will see you as embarrassing, stupid, overbearing, etc. Although hard to believe, this is a normal reaction for teens.

Normal behavior? What do you mean?

Because kids are ill-equipped to be responsible for their parents’ emotional well being. On an unconscious level, rejecting you is the way your child defends against being overwhelmed by your need for emotional validation.

When you are faced with those tough times, pull out the photo albums and videos of your kids when they were little and reminisce about the good feelings you shared… before the dark times… before the totally terrible teen years.

If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation:

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

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