Kent Toussaint, MA MFT - "Tips on Teens" #002

Tips on Teens #002
Teenagers are Such a Pain around the Holidays

December 2006

The December holidays are just around the corner. Some of you will share them with big families and groups of friends; others will have more intimate gatherings with just you and your kid(s). You’d like the holiday to be joyous, relaxing and peaceful.

I desperately wish that for one brief moment of the year, everyone in my home would just be nice to one another and enjoy each others’ company. Am I crazy for expecting no arguing, no teasing and no selfish attitudes?

Possibly. Your teen just might not be able to do such amazing feats. Staying at home and connecting with family through your cultural or religious traditions are sometimes a boring eternity for adolescents.

What would they rather be doing? What could be more joyous than celebrating the holidays with the family?

Why hanging out with their friends at the mall of course, or really just being any other place than your house and away from you. Let’s face it; you and the rest of your family are boring. This is no fault of your own; this is just part of the natural growing process that teenagers go through in creating their own individual sense of self.

So what are you supposed to do with a whining-complaining teenager who rolls her eyes at you or the grunting-yelling teen who stomps away after you say that he has to stay home for a holiday dinner with grandma?

Exactly! After all, if my teenager isn't having any fun, then I can’t have any fun… right?

WRONG!

Family traditions and connections are important. If it is important to you that your kids participate in family holiday celebrations, then you have every right to expect them to be there… even if they don’t like it.

Here are some tips to think about:

Discuss with your teens about ways they can reasonably spend time with their friends and spend time with family during the holiday season.
Demand that teens participate in family traditions such as eating holiday meals, decorating the house, etc. but do not demand that they have to like it.
Do not base your enjoyment of the holidays on whether your teens enjoy the holidays.
Remember that sometimes, teenagers will start to enjoy themselves without your help if not pressured to do so.

Following these guidelines won’t create the perfect holiday, but hopefully they will relieve some pressure off of both you and your teen. If however, your teen becomes belligerent and out of control and refuses to comply with these basic expectations, your child’s emotional outbursts may signify that he or she is feeling more pressure around the holidays than usual. If so, you might want to consider getting some professional help to alleviate such symptoms of anxiety or depression.

If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation:

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

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