Kent Toussaint, MA MFT - "Tips on Teens" #003

Tips on Teens #003
Is Your Teen a “MySpace-aholic?”

January 2007

Do you know what MySpace is? I’ll bet your teenager does. For those of you who don’t know, www.MySpace.com is one of the more popular websites where people from all over the world create their own personal profiles online for free so others can see and get to know who they are. It is not specifically a teen site, but teens have definitely taken to it and carved out their own MySpace culture on the web. People often share music, photos and interesting information about themselves. Most contact is very superficial but people do connect and post messages to one another.

Why should I be concerned about "MySpace?"

Do you know what your daughter is posting on the internet about herself? Or are you aware of what your son is being exposed to? There is some censorship by the website, but of course it is not perfect.

Isn't MySpace is a haven for sexual predators looking for victims?

How much of that perception is real and how much is driven by panic, I don’t know but it is something to keep in mind.

MySpace isn’t necessarily evil and destructive to the very core of your child’s existence. Many teens find it very rewarding and eye opening as they get exposed to many people, new music and other creative forms of expression. There are those on the other hand who i like to call, MySpace-aholics. They are the kids who get obsessed with MySpace and are constantly trying to get people to sign on to their site as a new

friend at all hours of the day and night at the expense of real relationships, school and other normal activities. A friend in MySpace is no more than someone who mutually agrees to share links on one another’s sites, it does not necessarily signify a real friendship… like I said earlier, most contact on MySpace is superficial.

So how should I as a parent approach this conundrum? Should I keep your kid from logging on to MySpace altogether?

Good luck… most likely your kids know more about the computer than you do and will get around any schemes that you have of blocking access to the site. I suggest the following steps:

Don’t panic. If you unilaterally decide to take MySpace away in a dictatorial manner, you may push your teen into using MySpace as a symbol of defiance against you and he or she may make very poor and hasty decisions to get back online.
Ask your teens to share their MySpace site with you, and just maybe they will teach you why they like it so much. I know this sounds crazy, but you just might get it, and they just might get that you get it. After all, there’s a first time for everything.

If you are worried that your kids will go to MySpacesites or any other websites that may be inappropriate, consider moving the computer out of their rooms and into public areas of the house where there is less privacy. They may not like this option, but maybe it is the price for them to pay to be online.
Set up time limits for internet use. Or better yet, have them earn internet time through normal daily chores or good behavior. If you set up a system where they have to earn internet time, make sure that the rules are specific to avoid confusion later on.
Do some research yourself about MySpace and other online chat sites. There is plenty of information on the web so do a little homework. Educate your kids and yourself on what is safe and unsafe to post online. Here are some websites with some useful information:

www1.myspace.com/misc/tipsForParents.html

www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11064451

www.officer.com/article/article.jsp?id=34290&siteSection=1

www.wikihow.com/Get-a-MySpace-Account-without-Your-Parents-Knowing

http://grownupgeek.com/kids_safe

www.wired.com/news/technology/0,70287-0.html?tw=rss.index

www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguidee.htm

www.netsmartz.org/

Good luck with talking to your adolescents about their world. Remember that you will be seen as an outsider… because you are. Not only are you an adult… you are the parent! Just like visiting any other foreign culture, show some respect for it and you just might be invited in to see how it works.

If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation:

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

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