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Tips on Teens #004
Are You Worried about Your Teen Having Sex? | ||
| February 2007 | ||
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One of the biggest worries for parents is teen sex. It’s a heavy subject that keeps many of you up night after night panicking about your child’s safety. How can you stop your teenager from having sex? Should you stop your teenager from having sex? How are you supposed to react? These are difficult questions to answer because there is not a universally accepted way to approach these questions. In my attempt to address the issue of teen sex (I know, the mere thought of your kid having sex makes you want to scream and run for the hills), I want to make clear that I am not approaching it from any particular religious point of view. Nor do I intend to challenge your religious or cultural moral standards. My objective is to provide you with education and information to help you make an informed choice in conjunction with your own beliefs and values. | ||
| I chose this topic because it has been coming up quite often lately. For example, a woman recently asked me if I thought she should allow her teenage daughter to go to the Sex-Education Seminar at her middle school. She stated that she was going to let her go, but the father was against it because he feared that the school would present sex education from a liberal point of view and promote promiscuity and homosexuality. These parents were afraid that if their daughter learned how to properly put on a condom, she would become sexually active and if she was taught what homosexuality was, then she might become homosexual herself. Some of you agree strongly with these parents; others may be so far to the other side that you are offended by these comments. Most of you however, are probably somewhere in the middle unsure of what is best for your children. | ||
| Is there a way to absolutely stop my teen from having sex? | ||
| Probably not. Teens are presented with too many opportunities (i.e. after school before parents get home, ditching school when parents are not home, parties, school functions, etc.). | ||
| I’ll just chain my teenager up in a tower guarded by a dragon until she is 35-years-old. | ||
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If there is no surefire way to prevent my teenager from having sex, then what’s a parent to do? | ||
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I recommend educating your teenager about sex… I mean everything about sex. Not just the birds and the bees speech, but subjects like birth control options, abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, abortion, adoption, the right to say “no,” what date rape is, and most importantly what your family and cultural values are towards sex. | ||
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Wait a minute. If I don’t want my child having sex, why should he know all this stuff anyway? Isn’t it just going to make him more curious and try it out? | ||
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Great question! Your kid is going to learn about sex with or without your help. Who would you rather have him learn from… his 15-year-old ignorant friends? Or you and medical professionals? I guarantee you that the advice and myths that his friends will spout out will be less to your liking than what you or a medical expert will tell him. | ||
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Are you scared yet? | ||
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Do I really want to have this uncomfortable conversation with my teen about sex? I don't even know where to start? | ||
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This is not just an hour long conversation to have once and never have to speak of it again. It may be better to have several short conversations about this over your child’s adolescence. It is okay for you to be uncomfortable and even scared to approach this difficult topic. If you need help (and I’m bettin’ that you do) go to these websites: | ||
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Planned Parenthood has a great deal of information about teen sex and educational resources for parents. Did you know that at Planned Parenthood you can arrange a meeting for both you and your teenager to each meet with professionals individually? This is a good option for you and your child to get more information in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. | ||
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Again, I’d like to reiterate that I am not condoning nor am I condemning teen sex, only you can decide what is right for you and your family. I am merely pointing out that it is a reality in our society and if we ignore it, more than likely we will be forced to deal with the painful consequences that ensue from rash and uneducated adolescent decision making. | ||
| If you would
like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation: | ||
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Kent Toussaint, MA Licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist (818) 983-7728 | ||
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Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years. | ||
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Copyright 2006 - 2010, Kent Toussaint, MA MFT | ||
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