Kent Toussaint, MA MFT - "Tips on Teens" #007

Tips on Teens #007
The Summer Job

May 2007

Summer is almost here. What’s your teenager going to do for three months (aside from wasting time with MySpace, watching TV and talking/texting with friends)?

My kid is so lazy. All he is interested in doing is playing and having fun. What does he think he is… a child?

Well, kind of… yeah. Your kid may be in high school, but he is not an adult yet and may have a difficult time motivating himself to be productive. There are plenty of adults (some perhaps reading this article right now) who have difficulty motivating themselves to be productive; it is even harder for teens. So, why not encourage your teenager to get a summer job? For those of you with younger kids, remember that it won’t be too long before your family is in the same predicament, so pay close attention.

There are two popular concerns that leave parents biting their fingernails to the nub regarding teenagers going to work. The first sounds something like:

I can’t let my child get a job; it’s too much pressure and my baby’s not ready!

Maybe you’re right. Perhaps there is too much going on with summer school, family obligations and extracurricular activities, all which are important. However, if he is going to have an overabundance of free time to dig the lint out of his navel, a summer job may just do the trick. Employment can help teach your teenager a sense of achievement, social skills and the value of punctuality (yes, it is actually possible to teach this concept to a teenager). A job can also help to build feelings of self worth, an important hurdle in an adolescent’s search for identity; not to mention money management skills and job experience for the future.

The second concern where parents pull their hair out comes from the opposite direction:

Oh I wish I could get her off of that couch and just turn in one job application!

Some parents would love for their kid to go out and get a job, but they can’t find a way to get her to put down the cell-phone long enough to do it. One way to help kids be self motivated to get a job is to make them be more financially responsible.

What does that mean? After all, it’s hard enough for many adults to be financially responsible.

That’s right, so remember that your teenager may need help from you to establish boundaries around money. For example, if your 16-year-old loves to drive the car, maybe she should have to pay for the use of the car. Items that she could be responsible for can include gas, insurance or perhaps the car payments depending on how much money she is able to earn. If the car doesn’t really interest her, there is also that cell-phone bill or internet charges that may need tending to. However you set it up, negotiate with your teenager on what works best as motivation. If you just lay down your law without her input, she just might get as stubborn as you and refuse to cooperate leaving the both of you feeling miserable.

What ever financial responsibilities that you and your teenager agree upon, they should be realistically attainable. If she has to pour every last dime into the car but can’t enjoy any of the money that she earns, she may become disenchanted with driving, thus quitting her job and she’s back on the couch veggin’ out to MTV.

Summer jobs can sometimes turn into fall, winter and spring employment. This is generally a positive growing experience as it reinforces independence and a sense of self reliance. However, balancing work with school can be a problem. The most common red flag is when grades start dropping. This can come about from your teen not having enough time to sleep or eat properly. Other times, teens will let homework slide in favor of going to work or needing to relax from too much stress.

He needs relaxation because of too much stress? It's not like he's running a business, it's just school and a part time job. Why can't he just hunker down and focus?

I know that some of you A-type personalities have a difficult time wrapping your head around this one, but it is important to have down time to relax during the day, especially for teens (remember they are not adults). During the school year, it is advisable to limit your kid’s work load to no more than fifteen hours per week. Any more than that and it often gets too overwhelming for kids. Another piece of advice is to only allow him to work providing that he is maintaining appropriate grades at school. This can be a powerful motivator for him to not only do well at work but to also keep those grades up.

I'm not sure I understand how I can use this to motivate my kid. Can you give me an example?

Here’s an example of how it might work with Andy the 16-year-old:

Andy feels that he needs access to the car to have fun on the weekends.
Andy and his parents negotiated a deal that requires him to pay for his car insurance if he wants to use the car.
Andy needs to work so he can get the money to pay for the insurance on the car that brings him so much joy.
Andy’s GPA drops from a 3.0 to a 1.5.
Andy and his parents agreed before he started driving that he needs to have a minimum of a 2.5 GPA to keep his job… the job that supplies him with money for insurance so he can drive and have fun.
Andy now has to quit his job because his grades are too low.
Andy can no longer afford to pay car insurance… poor Andy.
Without insurance, Andy can no longer drive the car and is not having as much fun as he used to… sometimes it sucks being a teenager.
Andy really wants to drive the car so he can have more fun and feel independent again.
Consequently, Andy works to pick his grades back up above a 2.5 so he can get another job and get money for car insurance, thus allowing him to drive and be joyful once more.

My experience treating adolescents has shown me that most teens respond positively to working. It helps them focus and gives them a sense of purpose, especially those kids who don’t have any extracurricular school activities that they have a passion for. With many teenagers I have also seen improvements in how they relate to their parents and teachers. Like I said earlier, a job can also reinforce new reasons to get good grades. In the end, cleaning the bathroom at the local burger joint can sometimes help your kid understand why going to college is a good goal to have.

Summer is almost here, so if you and your teen are considering a part time job this summer, start looking now. If she waits until June, the cool jobs that she wants may already be filled by those motivated teenagers that you wish your kid was emulating. Since this is probably the first time your teen is going job hunting, make sure you (or someone who your child will actually listen to) teach her good strategies such as how to dress, how to fill out an application and how to follow up with a phone call after the interview. This may be a scary venture for your teen, being her

cheerleader may be just what she needs to get the courage to ask for an application. With any luck, your teen will be excited about getting a summer job (with your positive encouragement of course). After all, getting a job should be fun and not a punishment. You never know, what started out as just a summer job could end up being an extremely memorable and positive experience in your child’s life; and from the therapist’s point of view… WOW, that’s good social and emotional development!

If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation:

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

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