The better question may be: Where doesn’t she learn it?  Junky jargon is in abundant amounts throughout our society.  Where ever your teenager goes, she may be subject to hearing and learning the meanings of countless words that you might find distasteful.  School is the most obvious place where your teen learns to use erroneous expressions.  Taboo subjects and phrases seem exciting and cool, and when you are an insecure teenager desperate to be accepted by your peers, a good way to fit in is to talk the same way everyone else does. 

My mom always says that she swore at home so we wouldn’t learn it on the street.  It’s a funny joke (except when I was teenager… she was never funny when I was a teenager) but there is some truth to it.  I have spoken to many adolescents whose parents get so frustrated with them because of their dirty mouths.  However, when their parents get angry, they swear just as much as the teenagers do.  Yes, we do live in a free country where adults have the right to freedom of speech and you have earned the right to say what ever you want… especially in your house where you make the rules.  Please remember however, that how you speak is setting the example for your children.  The do as I say, not as I do speech didn’t convince us when we were kids and it won’t work on your children either. 

1. Stop swearing.  I know it is hard, after all you’ve been using raunchy rhetoric since… you were a teenager, but start setting the example, even when your kids aren’t around.
    
2. Don’t over react and yell or lecture.  Your teen won’t listen to a word you say.  Besides, this will just motivate him to provoke and punish you with his words when he doesn’t like that you are being a responsible parent and setting appropriate limits on him.
    
3. Don’t try to convince her that skuzzy speech is wrong.  She already knows this, that’s why she is using it, so she can feel grown up, rebellious and independent. 
    
4. Overlook how he talks to his friends and peers.  As much as you don’t like it, sour slang is an accepted way to communicate among kids.  Don’t expect to ever get total control over your teen. Be willing to accept imperfect control as it is a more attainable healthy goal.
    
5. Approach your teenager when she is not in one of her moods and in your most calm and respectful tone, explain that putrid parlance is offensive to you and that you request that she not speak that way around you or her younger siblings.  Take responsibility for this one on your own and don’t try to include others in those who are offended.  This will weaken your argument and open you up to being challenged.
    
6. If the respectful request is not enough to rein your teenager’s course colloquy then perhaps you could link it to allowance or privileges.  For example, let’s say your teen receives an allowance of $20 per week.  You could assign a $1 penalty every time he uses an inferior idiom and keep track of it on a chart.  Don’t make a big deal when he gets money docked, let the chart and the allowance do the scolding for you.  However, if he is very good and doesn’t misspeak all week, give him a $5 bonus as extra incentive.

Whether you like it or not, your teenager is growing up faster than you can keep up.  There is no way to get you teen to revert back to a more innocent frame of mind.  You may never achieve a full turn around on how he talks, but if you can get your teen to speak a little more respectfully around you and your other kids, consider that progress.  By the way, and I don’t mean to frighten you, but your teenager probably didn’t just start using his foul mouth as a teenager… try nine or ten years old.  He’s just letting you know about it now.

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

Copyright 2006 - 2010, Kent Toussaint, MA MFT