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Tips on Teens #020
A Parent’s Guide to Marijuana (Part II) | ||
| January 2009 | ||
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Last month’s issue covered some of the dangers of getting high from marijuana. Hopefully since then you have done your online research and know much more about smoking weed. Perhaps you’ve even been brave enough to approach discussions about drug use with your teenager in a respectful and non-judgmental manner. If you’d like to read last month’s Tips on Teens #019 – Marijuana (Part I), please click on the link and enjoy. | ||
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drug-test your teenager make sure you already have a workable and enforceable plan in place if she tests dirty. Otherwise, when she is caught, you will most likely panic and blurt out a series of unenforceable ultimatums. Your irrational tirade will only embolden her resolve that smoking blunts is the only thing that makes her happy and she’ll never give it up. Remember, she probably is already thinking that blazing isn’t that bad, so you losing your cool will not help her see a different truth. | ||
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What kind of plan should I have in place? | ||
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If you are confident that it’s a one time thing where he got caught, don’t treat it as if he’s ruined his life. He hasn’t. Overreacting will not serve you or your teenager here (overreacting never really works with anything anyway). | ||
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If you are confident that it’s a one time thing where he got caught, don’t treat it as if he’s ruined his life. He hasn’t. Overreacting will not serve you or your teenager here (overreacting never really works with anything anyway). | ||
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If however, you’re concerned that weed is becoming a toxic habit, it is probably time to get help. Here are some effective options to consider: | ||
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Each of these alternatives has its unique strengths and it is important to research them in much more detail than this article has the space for. So again, I encourage you to do your homework before taking action. | ||
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Is there anything I can do to prevent my kid from going down this path? | ||
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Yes. However, there is no way to guarantee that your teenager won’t experiment with drugs. On the other hand, you can exert positive influence that might reduce the odds of him sparking up. | ||
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First, it may sound overly simplistic (although it really isn’t); teach your adolescent to feel good about himself. This is generally done by your example. How you demonstrate both your love for yourself and your love for your child creates the model for how your teenager loves and respects himself. Give him the tools to be confident and help him learn how to face uncomfortable emotions instead of repressing or running away from them. | ||
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How do I teach her to deal with uncomfortable emotions? I can barely
do that with my own feelings. | ||
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One way to do this is by taking the time to listen and not diminish or belittle any troubles that come her way. No matter how small a problem may seem to you (not getting a date to homecoming, unrequited love, getting benched from the starting line-up, etc.), I can guarantee you that these situations are a struggle for her. | ||
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The main reason why these adolescent bumps in the road seem insignificant to you is that you’ve been through these experiences before and you have a broader perspective than your teen. If you don’t teach your kid the tools to manage this all-too-common emotional adolescent rollercoaster, she’ll have to find her own means to deal with the crisis of the week. | ||
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Some families find it very effective to start random drug tests long before they suspect drug use when their kids are happy to do them. If this sounds like an option for you, every time your kid tests clean, he should be praised and rewarded (not bribed). So by the time you start getting suspicious, drug testing is already routine and expected. | ||
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Wait a minute. You want me to congratulate
my teenager for NOT getting high? That’s not an achievement, it’s an expectation! | ||
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Staying drug free in today’s society deserves recognition. Accomplishing what you consider normal expectations takes hard work for teenagers. In regards to keeping off drugs, there are tremendous pressures and easy opportunities to smoke pot. If your teen doesn’t feel appreciated or get the positive attention from you that she craves for staying clean; there’s a real chance that she’ll get your negative attention for getting high. Very often, the unconscious mind of an adolescent doesn’t differentiate between positive and negative attention… it’s just attention and your teenager needs it from you. Obviously, positive attention and loving support is much healthier for both of you than screaming, yelling and disappointment. | ||
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Unfortunately, there are no simple answers to this dilemma. If you stay educated, maintain a mature composure and build a trusting relationship with your teenager, you will better be able to help her navigate through these treacherous bong infested waters into adulthood. Just try to remember that you were once her age… a long-long time ago! | ||
| If you would like more information, please feel free to call for a complimentary phone consultation: | ||
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Kent Toussaint, MA Licensed
Marriage and Family Therapist (818) 983-7728 | ||
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Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years. | ||
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Copyright 2006 - 2009, Kent Toussaint, MA MFT | ||
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