Odds are that your teenager has no appreciation for the value of a dollar.  The gift giving holidays just passed.  Did your kid take for granted all those expensive gifts that you worked so hard to pay for?

Yes, once my teenager gets anything she wants, she trashes it.  Why doesn’t she understand the value of money?

Your son won’t learn how to speak French if he doesn’t study and do his homework, no matter how good of a grade he cons his teacher into giving him.  Similarly, he won’t be able to comprehend the value of money if it is just given to him. 

I generally recommend that teens should pay for anything fun or personal.  For example, your teen can be accountable for buying her own clothes, video games, make-up, music downloads, grabbing a hamburger and going to the movies with friends, etc. 

Wait a minute, that’s a lot for a kid to handle.  Can a thirteen year old really make good financial decisions?

So what am I supposed to do when he asks for more money after wasting it all? 

You take a deep breath to calm yourself.  Then, put your arm around his shoulders and let him know in all sincerity that you know what he’s going through.  Explain that you’ve had to deal with the same type of situation where you’ve spent money you wish you hadn’t.  Make it clear how those choices prevented you from buying something else that you really wanted.  Be comforting and empathic to his disappointment, but still hold your ground and do not give him any more money until he earns it.

So how do I dole out this allowance effectively?

Payday should be once a week at a specific time.  It is important for you to set the example by being consistent and punctual because you’re going to expect the same from your teenager. 

Let’s assume for argument’s sake that you have determined that a reasonable allowance is $20 each week.  Think of her allowance as a commission-based salary.  For every responsibility achieved, there is financial compensation.

What if she misses her deadline?

Then she doesn’t earn her commission for that duty on that day.  The trap that most parents fall into here is judging and shaming their kids for messing up.  Avoid this temptation and let the missed allowance do all the yelling and nagging for you. 

I’m confused.  How do I apply the missed commission to her $20 allowance?

Okay, math-a-phobes… here’s how you do it with the help of some simple math word problems. 

Since you are the supervisor, it is your responsibility to keep track of what commissions your teen earns.  Let’s assume the $20 is broken down over an earning period of five days.  On any of those five days, she can earn $4 (5 days x $4 = $20).  That $4 is divided among her tasks for that day.  If she has ten tasks, each one of those tasks can earn her an average of $0.40 (10 tasks x $0.40 = $4).  If your kid completed seven of her ten jobs for that day on time, she would earn $2.80 (7 jobs x $0.40 = $2.80). Since she did not finish her other three assignments, she did not earn the full $4.  At the end of the week, you go to your handy-dandy chart that you keep track of daily and tally up all of the tasks completed on time and pay her what she’s earned.

What if my kid hates taking out the trash and says that it’s worth losing $0.40 a day not to do it?

I encourage you to add a bonus feature to the allowance. Any day that your kid completes a full day’s tasks on time… he gets a $1 bonus.  Don’t worry, he’ll almost never earn the $1 bonus because he’s a teenager and will rarely have a perfect day.  However, isn’t $1 a day incentive worth never having to remind, nag or pester your kid to be responsible?

But my teen says that she will refuse to do any of it and doesn’t care if she doesn’t get an allowance?

If your teenager needs money, she’ll eventually come around.  Like when she was seven and she wanted chocolate ice cream so bad, she forced herself to eat all her broccoli.  Just because she claims not to care, doesn’t necessarily make it so. She may care very much, but she doesn’t want you to know it.  Most kids will test this structure for about thirty days to see if you’re going to give up… like you have so many times in the past.  After a month of having no money to buy music downloads, video games or to socialize with friends, she will eventually fall in line.  Again, the trap here for parents is hitting the panic button too soon. 

These allowance guidelines are just that… guidelines.  When you’re ready, take this framework and build it in a way that works best for your family.  As time goes on, and your teen gets older, feel free to adjust the system to accommodate her growing needs and duties.  Just remember that a reward-based-system tends to be more effective than a fine-based-system. 

There will be desperate times for you as a parent when at your lowest you consider beating your kids instead of feeding them.  Yet always remember that the carrot is a stronger motivator than the stick!

Kent Toussaint, MA

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

HELPis@KentToussaint.com

(818) 983-7728

Remember that adolescence is a temporary mental disorder and will pass within a few years.

Copyright 2006 - 2010, Kent Toussaint, MA MFT