now, but I know that if we keep talking, we’ll be able to figure these problems out together." She already feels horrible and ashamed. Punishing her will only push her farther down the hole.
Shouldn’t I just help him see that his life isn’t so bad? A little perspective can’t hurt… can it?
Trying to convince him that his life isn’t that bad will probably make things worse. Saying something like, “You should feel lucky, a lot of people have it a lot worse than you do,” is not empathic and it completely dismisses and trivializes his feelings. In that moment, his perception of his life is as bad as it gets and it is devastating.
Your best bet is to keep him talking and try your best not to dissuade him from anything. Just let him cry, scream or do whatever he needs to communicate the feelings within. Naturally, parents always want to fix the problem. Do not try to fix the problem! Just let him talk and in time he will be able to resolve some of his angst and be stronger for it.
Remember how good it feels when you get to vent to your spouse or co-worker about some terrible injustice that happened to you? This venting session can do wonders to help clear the mind.
If she’s coming to me for help, why should I look into getting her counseling from someone else?
You can’t take this too seriously. Both therapists and clergy are trained to help people through these types of crises. Having someone outside the family who is impartial and non-judgmental can help to create an opening for her to get her thoughts out of her head and in the open. The more she talks without worry of judgment or criticism, the better she’ll be able to resolve whatever emotional demons she is battling. Additionally, a therapist can help to mend the relationships in the family that have been bent or broken through this crisis.
Many teens resist seeing a counselor for fear the therapist will scold them or try to tell them what to do. Reassure your kid that therapy is not just another boring class where a teacher is going to demand performance. With the right therapist, treatment can and should be empowering, uplifting and fun.
I can’t ever imagine my child being that open with me. But I do sense that something is horribly wrong. What should I do and how do I know that I’m not overreacting?
If your instincts keep telling you that your kid is struggling and possibly a danger to himself, don’t ignore them. Even if your kid won’t open up to you about his potential suicidal thoughts, but your gut is telling you otherwise, look for some of these possible warning signs:
Even if your family is not in crisis, but you still have concerns, it won’t hurt to call one of the above hotlines or go to their websites for more information. You can get free anonymous advice to help you better address a very painful and confusing situation.
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